Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship

Mutual Respect
This means respecting each other's decisions and choices. It means accepting the other person for who they are.

Mutual Trust
This relationship is devoid of lies, manipulations and secrets. Jealousy does not get out of control. There is room for other friendships.

Mutual Support
This means comfort and empathy for one another. It means accepting the fact that nobody is perfect and that annoyances are worked through without escalation. Self-esteem is affirmed and you are there for each other in both good and difficult times.

Relaxed & Easygoing
This is the ability to see the humorous side of life and not being afraid to say what's on your mind. You can be yourself.

Fair Fighting
Arguments and disagreements are normal in every relationship - both partners use fair play, without threats or use of physical power. Both partners stay in the here and now - without dragging up the past. There is no name calling - hurting your partner only makes the problem worse. Talk about how you feel, using "I" statements (this eliminates defensive reactions). Winning or losing is not the issue. Deal with situations as they arise - don't allow a build up.

Characteristics of an Unhealthy Relationship

Finding Fault
Attempts to change partner. You can no longer "be yourself."

Changes in Behaviour
This occurs not because of a desire or belief that it is the right thing to do, but because of external pressures by your partner.

Jealousy
To the point that it becomes controlling. Restricting other friendships. Fearful of expressing your feelings because of possible negative consequences.

Abusive Behaviour
Verbal put-downs, snide remarks, insults, swearing, threats. The "silent treatment," ignoring promises that are not kept. Withholding attention, affection or friendship.

Slapping, hitting, punching, pushing (does not have to leave bodily injuries), being forcefully held to the point of being uncomfortable.

Any sexual contact that is unwanted - from kissing to intercourse. Sexual behaviour occurring because of coercion, threats, trickery or pressure.

Controlling Behaviour
Tells you how to dress, what to say, how to act. Insists on knowing your whereabouts and who you have been with. Dictates who you can associate with.

Lies, manipulation and secrets - the relationship makes you feel inadequate, and diminishes your self-esteem.